Vexed.

Hi! I'll try to keep this post a really short and fast one. I need to do my BEV report. I haven't even found an article. So that's the worst part. I still can't find a good article to start on my report. Sigh, after next Friday, I will be free of projects + presentations. Then, I can finally concentrate on my studies for the big exams coming up for me.

Things have been going up and down for me. I don't know what I'm feeling now. Stress? Pressure? Sad? Disappointed? Confused? Vexed? I don't know. Come to think of it, I think this is the first time I'm actually blogging about my feelings. I usually just rant on twitter for a moment and get better. Or having a cry at night to make me feel better. I have a lot of "what if" questions on my mind. It makes me cry just by thinking negatively. Why am I so weak? And why am I so useless? Why I don't have anything I'm good at? Or anything attractive? I really hate myself sometimes. I really hate the fact that some things turn out this way. I really don't understand what I did to deserve this. Someone please tell me. And tell me what's the meaning of life. Is it just friends, family, love, study and work? Gah, I feel like throwing everything aside and fuck care everything. But, I just can't.

I've thought about our future. I've thought about the "what if" situation. I've thought about the possible outcome. But whatever it is, I'm still hoping that everything will turn out good, in both ways. I know that it will still hurts me somehow. Just be happy. Okay?